Finding purpose in my struggle.

Ahhhh where do I begin? I guess I will share some back story on myself so those that read this (if anyone) can get to know me. (Disclaimer: I am not throwing a pity party nor do I want those that read this to feel sorry for me. This is my therapy of sorts and is designed to help others should that be God's will.) In my profile I stated that my whole life has been a struggle and I think it is important for me to explain that statement, so I will start at the very first struggle in that my mother never intended to have me. I was God's miracle baby, not my mom's. You see she was on birth control when she got pregnant with me. I was my mom's second child or as I came to realize later "mistake." She got pregnant with my older sister at 18; and she was in NOOO way prepared to have a child at that age much less a second child less than 2 years later, but through God's planning my mom gave birth to a second child she was not ready for. My very entrance into this world the odds were staked against me and it certainly did not stop there. As I grew older I realized that my mom never wanted me. She called my sister and I names that I do not dare type before we could barely speak. She told me I was stupid and made me feel worthless before I even knew what the word pretty meant. Now I do not say these things about my mother because I want any one to think that she is a bad person. My mom was young and did not know how to deal with the plans God had for her that were not her own, so she dealt with them in anger and much of that anger was directed at my sister and I. I thank God that she has found faith through the fire of this life and is now a completely different person. You see God can turn even the most hardened heart toward him and heal the most broken relationships. I struggled with anger and hostility toward my mom for so many years because of the mistakes that she made and all the hurtful things that she said. I was angry at her for the struggles in my life that I felt that she had caused, but God showed me that while my mom had to come to terms with the life he laid out for her; I had to do the same with my life. Even the struggle of being born to a mother that had tried to prevent my existence shows me that God has a wonderful plan for my life and that he had a direct hand in every aspect of my existence. I have seen my entrance into this world as proof that there is a God and that even though some may have used this incident as a weapon to make me feel unwanted that God used it to show me that HE wanted me!!